August 14th Congestion

This morning a truck has rolled over in Toronto carrying Vic's vapour rub.

Police say that it's all good and that there should be no CONGESTION

July 17th Heaven or Hell

One day, while walking around town, a human resources manager was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a HR manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you. "No problem, just let me in, said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." the Saint replied. "Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven". "Sorry, we have rules..." and with that St. Peter put the manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and the HR manager found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow HR professionals that she had worked with. They were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The HR manager was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven." He said

So the HR manager spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. ³So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity." He said. The HR manager paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the manager went down down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up mounds of poo and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her and laughed at her. "I don't understand," stammered the HR manager, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and grinned, "That's because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you're part of the staff."

July 10th, 2022- Prayer

"Thank you Lord"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

July 3rd, 2022- Happiness

A Chinese business man has been sharing photos of children crawling around and playing on top of a Lamborghini, saying that the happiness of children is the most valuable thing in the world. A million dollars worth Lamborghini is nothing compared to that. So he allow the kids to play and jump on top of the Lamborghini. The best part is that the kids are not his and neither is the Lamborghini.

June 26th, 2022- Lying

A pastor was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a group of boys surrounding a puppy. The pastor went over and asked, ‘What are you doing with that dog?’

One of the boys replied, “We are playing a game and the winner takes this stray puppy home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

The pastor was shocked.  “You boys don’t want to tell lies!” he exclaimed. He then preached for 10 minutes, beginning with, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”

There was dead silence for about a minute. The smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, guys, give him the dog.”